But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you

Like a cauldron bubbling over.

Warning: this post is a little emo.

I feel isolated in this midterm study bubble of mine. And I keep catching myself clenching my teeth, thus my jaw pops more and more often.

I feel disconnected, do you? I do for some reason. I can't really identify why that is. Maybe it's just the stress of midterms and college applications and a fear of rejection by people who don't even know me. Maybe I still feel rather weighed down by guilt. Conflicted, that's it. I feel exposed, but I don't want to withdraw.

There are so many things to look forward to, but right now I'm being swallowed, consumed, drowned. I almost wish I could go back in time and escape.

Funny that I'm addicted to a song called Sunshine.

Sunshine go away today
I don't feel much like dancin'

Wow, I actually feel really good about the physics exam. Surprisingly good. At least that's one less thing to worry about. 2 down, 3 to go.

X Drama
X Physics
English
Latin
Psychology

And then college application essays for real. It's surreal. Am I really filling out applications? Really? So soon? It's too soon, and yet a long time coming. I want to leave, but...if only there were things other than clothes and a mini-fridge that I could take with me.

But there are still things to look forward to. New Year's...Winter Formal, and the time in between. Months and months lie ahead.

I suppose I should focus on right now. And right now I need to work on my english essay.

And true
It may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head...

Quite productive is how I feel, despite all the work that there is to be done. It seems never ending, but at least something is going right, and that is that I'm getting some done.

Those To Come by The Shins seems especially inspiring. Now that I've figured out how to organize my essay for english, maybe I can figure out these secret santa/white elephant gifts. 3 in one week, sheesh.

Oh wait, I have to make snowball cookies for tomorrow. Why do I volunteer for these things?

1 gift down, 2 to go.

But at least some things are very mmm. Mmm.

I feel a little off.