Hm, well...

I'm about three days out from moving. I keep thinking that there is so much to do and so little time to do it in, yet I'm having trouble being busy all day. I guess I'm busy thinking all day.

For instance, more recently I've been preoccupied with room-decorating. Photos, posters, etc. I have so many pictures on my computer that I'd like framed...I know Eckerd will print your digital photos for you, so I might have to take advantage of that, and then buy a ton of photo frames. I think I like the idea of covering my room with pictures of friends, family, special people. Being surrounded by their images makes them feel less far away, I suppose.

And then there are the (very few) posters. Actually, I think I have only two. Perhaps I'll find more on my mother-daughter shopping trip. Who knows. Maybe a wall tapestry? I'd want to consult my roomate first, though.

I also happen to love black and white calendars. Especially because you can cut out the beautiful photographs and frame them as if you'd taken them yourself, or bought them at some expensive art store. That's today's cheap decorating tip. Hmm, maybe I'll buy more calendars...for more wall art. They aren't so expensive.

Hmm, what an appropriate title.

Oooh, Paris. If you look at more views of it, you'll see that it has a photo of the arch that the Washington Square Arch is modeled after. Also very appropriate.

What is with all of these Shoe calendars? 1. Who wants to stare at shoes all year? and 2. Why is it in the Art and Architecture section?

Hmm, self improvement and self help calendars...I don't think so. Interesting concept. Almost like those word-a-day vocabulary enhancing calendars. Oh how silly our society is. Always hunting for outside advice from strangers, as if they know us better than we know ourselves.

Hummm. Thinking about these little details helps. It's not that I'm worried that by the end of the year, I'll have no friends and one hellish experience to recover from. It's just that...hearing reports from every one of my friends who has already moved that they feel awkward or isolated or sad or even somewhat disappointed or some combination of these feelings makes me worry that I'll feel that way. And maybe I will. I've accepted that...sort of.

But wait a minute. If it's anything like orientation, it really won't be so bad. I recall really enjoying orientation, and I was perfectly able to make friends there. So what am I worried about? I....don't know. But what can I do about it when I'm days away from it?

Bury myself in little room-decorating details.

Well, here I am. I am 5 1/2 days from going to college. Moving into my dorm. Why is that so hard to believe?

I don't think I'll have problems as far as the practical aspects of living away from home. I can keep my room tidy, do my laundry, my homework, the dishes, feed myself (and not gain the freshman fifteen), keep up with how much I'm spending, I can even travel on my own (once you've been on a greyhound bus, airtravel is a breeze).

So...what's making me a bit nervous? I have to make new friends.

I have to make new friends without a "home-base" to come back to. Well, ok, so I'll have Chris and Ryan in New York, and I'm starting to "make friends" with my roomate, and I have the few people I friended at orientation, not to mention Alex to check in with. A lot.

Sigh, I dunno. The funny thing is that I just posted advice on one of Ze Frank's forums about making friends in college. Not to mention, I talk to my friends who have already moved in, and they have the very problems I'm afraid of...backstabbing new friends, or feelings of isolation. And these are people who have friends already going to their schools. Gahh! But maybe the friends being there isn't always so helpful. Maybe it impedes the friend-making process. Maybe.

I guess the most bothersome thing about it is the fact that I can't do much about it now. I just have to sit and think about it. Once I'm there, I'll be out doing it. That's consoling, I s'pose.

Although, I got really excited tonight when my roomate and I were talking. We sortof hit it off...I think. I can't really tell at this point, I guess, but we seem to at least be able to get along, which I guess is the most important thing right now.

Alright, so I've convinced myself that it won't be so bad. Thank you blog.

It has been a long time. Who knew ten days could be so....drawn out, endlessly dragging on and on. Alright, so the cruise thing was actually pretty cool. Good food, great shows, and the novelty of a floating city. But it was still long. I think the problem was that I wasn't with all of the people that I really wanted to be with. Every so often, I looked at my friend's family and thought "This isn't my family...this isn't my life. What am I doing here?" But it wasn't all bad. We were just at this rather awkward age (who knew 18 could be awkward?) where we weren't ready to party with the adults (who were all inebriated), but we were done partying with the teens (the teen club catered to ages 15-17...a maturity level that we just escaped), and there weren't many people our age on board. And I rather missed my dearest boy (only 3 weeks and 2 days...that's 552 hours, down from 840...sigh). The only thing I bought was internet. How silly.

But today I ordered luggage (in NYU colors, of course). And a backpack. Mmmm. College will now be tangible in these items. And it's the only really productive thing I've done since I graduated.

Ok, fine. I'm giving in to myself. I want to be a better blogger--well, what I meant by that was, I want to be a more loyal blogger. But, if I were a better and more interesting writer, I think I'd be equally satisfied. Actually, I'd be more satisfied with that.

But no, I am trying to be a more loyal blogger, and I chose the night before my hardest exam day to start. Actually, it's not that difficult of an exam day. It's just English, part of which will be watching short clips of comedic films for our comedy projects, and the other part of which will be 40 quote/character ID's and 3 short answer questions; and Latin--essentially all of our 2nd semester tests combined...and we already took the AP.

Unfortunately, however, (and here is where I confess my academic sins) I haven't read one of our comedy unit books...in its entirety. Yes, I completely neglected Shakespeare's As You Like It. I've seen the play, but that was a year ago and I hardly remember it. I think I was distracted by the fact that it was cold, so Barrett and I left to get a blanket from Tom Martin's house and came back. Oh, and what a good impression I'm making on Ms. Callanan. I just emailed her for the second time tonght at 12:04 a.m. to tell her that all is well, and I have the video I need to present tomorrow, and that my earlier frantic email was the result of a misunderstanding. Woo, I am such a good student. Also, I haven't studied two of the latin tests that I need to study for the exam...but I figured I could do that at the end of the english exam period. Boy, I hope there's extra time. Humm...

And also, instead of studyng today, I printed out calendars through next May so that I can mark important dates through my freshman year at NYU. At least I'm organized in some way. I guess I've already sort-of checked out of high school. Maybe it's the fact that I stare at my graduation dress and cap and gown every time I'm in my room, which is basically all of the time that I am at home. I had previously thought that graduation hadn't hit me yet, but maybe it already did and I'm just over it. Maybe. I'm like Jack from the movie Jack with Robin Williams, in which the main character, Jack, matures 4 times as fast as a normal human being. So by the time he is 10, he appears to be and his body functions as a 40 year old man. That's creepy. If puberty happens around age 13, and the most interesting parts happen at let's say...16, because it's a multiple of 4, then at age 4, he would be sexually maturing and hungry for girls. "Hey there little boy." Except I'm not sexually mature 12 years ahead of time. I'm just past this whole graduation thing, as well as Seventeen Magazine. I'm starting to get bored with Glamour, and magazines in general. Maybe I will quit them soon.

Maybe I should quit writing this post soon. It's quarter after 12.

Without Alex, I would not be cultured.

I wish my family were more like a family. I didn't realize how much this college business could really irritate pre-existing...conditions. Sigh. And I wish people could realize the power of some of the things they do or say. Sometimes it's enough to leave one quite...changed, at least for a few days. And these things aren't bad, they're just...altering. In a way that sticks for a bit, that turns about in one's head and one's stomach. I don't want it taken back, I just wish it weren't so much in my head.

Heh heh heh. Ahh...

My new favorite.

It's interesting how this turned out so colorfully. It's almost easter-y.

I have to thank Alex for being a photoshop master.

In other, not-so-important-to-anyone-but-me news, I found a song by Foreigner that I like. I'm so proud. I'm branching out!

"In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've travelled so far

To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I want to feel what love it

I know you can show me"

I think this picture is perfectly descriptive of us.

The night, while actually long, passed by entirely too quickly. Oh, to be at that dinner table again. At the prom itself. On the floor in my bonus room, watching Tron.

Tempus fugit.

Tempus fugit nimium celere,

Sed si in perpetuum me esses, id non tantum malum esset.

Well, unfortunately my blog is no longer as unique as it once was. Stupid Walagata did a few stupid things:

Stupid #1: They got rid of all of their free accounts.
Stupid #2: They didn't notify any of their free account holders.
Stupid #3: They didn't delete their free account holders' uploaded images(ok, well, that's not so stupid, however, read on), but they require you to pay to retrieve your images.

Bah bah bah. They never had enough space anyway.

But really, how can I be in a bad mood after a wonderful spring break? Or after my New York dreams came New York true? I can't, really. *A pleasant sigh* I did it.

(view post below)

It's official:


That's me next year.